I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
