not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
