you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
