At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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