$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
