Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
