i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
