Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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