I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
