my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
