She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
