How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
