I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
