..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
