Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
