im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
