Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
