My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
