His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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