We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
