I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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