You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Shame - the story of my life.
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