i jhust puked up my retainher.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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