bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
