my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
