drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
