first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
