Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
