Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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