basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
