How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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