She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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