his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
