I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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