You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Randomize
