Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
