At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
