Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel great
I just peed on a car
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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