Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
