This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
