he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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