i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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