I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You are the jesus of drinking
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
