OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
