I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
