Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
