why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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