shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
