remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
