I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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