apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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