I feel like I'm in dance class right now
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
